One Time, Badly Read online

  “Seriously Cee, I never actually accepted that we weren’t end game. I think you could be off married to some other guy, kids and all, and I’d still think of you as mine.”

  “I’m really happy I never had to see you with anyone else. That would’ve really thrown me,” Cecelia's voice was quiet. This conversation had turned into a roller coaster of sorts.

  “There wasn’t anything to see, I was kind of just working on me, working my way back to you,” he shot her a quick look, and she could tell he was at least a little embarrassed about what was coming out of his mouth next. “I used to imagine what I would do if I saw you with someone else; all these different scenarios, from going nuts to being really stoic and respectful to win you back. I could never decide if I should play on your memories or show you what a nice, mature adult I turned out to be. What do you think would’ve gone over the best?”

  “Eh, I don’t think you would’ve had to over think it. A good old 'Hey Juice' would’ve done the trick.”

  “Such a sucker for the classics. The memories, then.”

  “I do love the memories.”

  Max reached out his hand just then, weaving his fingers through hers, flexing them a bit in the familiar hold. Cecelia's mind went quiet just then. She wanted to feel this moment and to not over think it. He was just touching her hand; it could be simple if she let it be.

  The waitress came over with their food then, effectively separating their hands and killing the moment between them. Cecelia took a long sip of her milkshake, savoring the sweet taste of the chocolate as it cooled her mouth, before digging into her short stack. Max's burger was half gone before she'd even gotten a bite of them.

  "Sorry," he said as he swallowed a bite. "I wasn't kidding, I really haven't eaten all day."

  "Me neither. I think I was too nervous thinking about tonight."

  "I know I was too nervous thinking about tonight," Max popped a fry into his mouth. "I had my mom help me pick out this outfit, I think it made her week."

  "Well, tell her she did a good job," Cecelia shot Max a wink, watching as his smile hit his eyes.

  "Hey now, she only helped me pick which combo to wear. I put all of this together myself," he gestured to his shirt, as if he'd stitched it with his own two hands.

  "Ok, well then tell yourself you did a good job," Cecelia took another bite of her pancakes, already growing full. "How is your mom doing anyway? And your dad and Isabella?"

  "They're good, no thanks to me," he let out a humorless laugh. "My parents are pretty much the same, I think my mom is going to retire after this year which is good. And Bella is at FIT now. I'm actually crashing at her apartment tonight so I can just shoot into Newark in the morning on the train."

  "Oh wow, Bella at college," Cecelia let out a whistle. "We. Are. Old."

  "Getting there, yeah."

  "That's good for your mom, she deserves a little time off to relax."

  "Yeah, no one deserves it more," Max's expression changed. "She told me she saw you. I mean, she didn't tell me when it happened, but when I told her about tonight she mentioned it to me. Told me not to tell you of course, but that seems less important now than I guess it was back then."

  "Yeah, she called me a few months after we broke up," Cecelia didn't feel as awkward talking about it as she might've if this night hadn't already been so weird. "She just wanted to know if I could tell her anything about you. It was kind of nice to see her though. It was as close to seeing you as I'd gotten in a long time and it made me feel better. I couldn't stand the fact that our last conversation had gone like that. I thought for sure we'd drag it on for longer or even accidentally run into one another in those first few weeks."

  "I know what you mean. To go from talking and seeing each other every single day for years and then just to cut it cold turkey? I think I turned my phone off for like a month because it was too weird not to call you," Max had finished his burger and was just picking at his fries, probably looking for the burnt ones.

  "I actually deleted your phone number," Cecelia admitted. "I didn't think I could keep myself from calling you."

  "What a number we did on each other, huh?" Max shook his head. "It was for the best though, right? You're good? You're happy?"

  "I am. I really like my life and I'm proud of my career," Cecelia hesitated for a moment. "But I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm happier, sitting here with you, than I have been in a long time."

  "I feel the same way," he glanced down at the table. "And I want you to know that I've been clean for almost two years. I know that you really have no reason to trust me, and I don't even know how much it matters to you, but I need you to know that I did it."

  "It matters to me," there were tears in Cecelia's eyes. "It's always mattered to me."

  "I put my family through hell for about a year and then I just stopped. I made the decision that I was done and I haven't taken anything since," Max's phone was buzzing on the table but he ignored it. Cee could see Joe's name flashing across the screen. "I was in an out-patient program and I went to meetings with a counselor and I finally made it here."

  "Thank God, Max," Cecelia reached across the table and put a hand on Max's arm. "I was so scared that I would get here tonight and I would see that you weren't okay. I think it would've ruined me."

  "I wanted to call you," Max shifted in the booth, leaning just that little bit closer. "I've thought about it a lot over the past year, but I kept chickening out."

  "I get it, I don't think I would've been able to reach out either, if I were you," Cecelia nodded. "There's just so much history and so many ways that this could've gone."

  "Exactly," Max sighed. "This is more than I could've asked for. No matter what happens, just for it to be okay between us, it's like a weight off my shoulders."

  "We pulled it together, Max," Cecelia squeezed his arm before leaning back and letting a yawn out.

  "Tired?" Max reached for his phone, lighting up the screen to check the time. "Damn, it's almost 1. We've been here for a while."

  "One? Oh god," Cecelia groaned. "Work is going to be fun tomorrow."

  "I guess we should go?" He seemed hesitant, as if the suggestion alone was hard to swallow.

  "Yeah, I think I'm just going to call an Uber," Cecelia reached for her wallet, but Max waved her off.

  "I got it, Cee. Why don't you call your car, I'll head up to the register and take care of the bill."

  "Ok, thanks Max," she pulled out her phone, opening the Uber app and requesting a car.

  "Did you get one?" Max questioned as he walked back to the booth.

  "I did," Cecelia glanced at her phone. "Three minutes."

  "Quick," Max said quietly.

  "Yup," Cecelia slid out of the booth and stood in front of Max, meeting his eyes.

  "Really quick," he cleared his throat.

  "I know," she breathed out.

  Max didn't say anything for a moment, just stared at her.

  "I'll walk you out, Cecelia," he gestured for her to lead the way, reaching ahead of her to swing open the door as they left.

  Her Uber was pulling up as they stepped outside. Max stopped in front of the car, pulling open the door to the back seat before turning towards her.

  "Thanks for coming with me, Cee," he was tired too, she could see it in his eyes.

  "Max," Cecelia trailed off, not sure what to say.

  "I'll talk to you, ok?" She knew what he was asking.

  "Yes. Yes, definitely," The hope was clear in her voice and Max seemed to notice.

  Max leaned down and left a quick kiss on her cheek.

  "Goodnight, Cecelia."

  "Night, Max."

  And with that, she climbed into the back of the Uber and Max gently shut the door. Cee watched through the car window as he stepped back onto the curb, giving a little wave. She returned it as the car picked up speed and the city became a blur around her. She clutched her purse tightly in her hands and took a deep breath.

  That was tha
t.

  2018

  September

  Her alarm went off at 7:00 am sharp the next morning, despite the fact that she felt like her head had just hit the pillow. She picked it up, planning to snooze it for just a few minutes. Her body needed just a little while longer and then she'd be able to get through the day.

  She blinked twice at the screen before she realized the text was really there. It was a number she'd deleted, but would always remember. Cecelia sat up in bed, her exhaustion seemingly disappearing into thin air. Her heart sped up as she unlocked her phone and opened her messages, a smile spreading wide across her face as she read the words in front of her.

  Morning Cee - just wanted to give you my number. You'll be needing it.

  About The Author

  Allyson Souza

  Allyson Souza is a born-and-bred Jersey Girl. She studied English and Journalism at Rutgers University.

  ONE TIME, BADLY is her first novel.