One Time, Badly Page 19

  She wrote in the living room and left her laptop open on the coffee table without the fear that Lou would come across the work she was doing. She felt like a real adult for the first time in years and the independence was incredible.

  It had taken her awhile to understand it and to embrace it, but she'd built a life she could really be proud of and the reward was this inner peace that she was able to carry with her even on her bad days. She knew herself, she knew how to protect herself and how to propel herself forward and it was such a gift.

  She bought a few new pieces of furniture to differentiate this apartment from her last one and she invited her friends over for wine on Saturday night without checking to make sure Lou was okay with it. There were certainly aspects of having a roommate that she missed, but for right now she was enjoying being on her own.

  She was in a position at work where money wasn't an issue for her, having moved into an editorial role with six writers under her. The section had been a success and her column was still well received even three years on. So she spent the first few weeks post-Louisiana treating herself.

  She went to the spa, she ordered takeout every night and she bought nearly an entirely new wardrobe. The only food that had been cooked in her new place was prepared by her mom when her family had come to visit for the first time. She knew it was only a matter of time before she reverted back to her more conservative routine, but for now there was no one to tell her to rein it in.

  She'd just gotten a fresh haircut, something shorter and more trendy than she'd ever had before, hitting her just above her shoulders and bouncing with a volume that her longer cut never would've been able to pull off when she met her mom for lunch in town.

  "Well, don't you look gorgeous! I didn't know you were getting a haircut," her mom beamed at her as she sat down in the seat across from her.

  "I was just going for a trim, but I figured why not change it up," Cee dragged a hand through her locks, noting the quickness with which she ran out of hair to run through. "You like it?"

  "I love it! It really suits you, sweetie. Shows off that beautiful face," her mother's face changed, taking on a more thoughtful look than the moment before. "You really are a grown up, huh?"

  "I think so, Mom," Cee laughed. "I've been trying to act like one lately. At least someone noticed."

  "You just look so mature, sitting there with your sophisticated haircut. It's like you're glowing with it."

  "I've been feeling really different over the past few weeks. Ever since I was back on my own, it's like something in me changed. I can't really explain it, but I'm happy."

  "That's so good to hear, Cee," Her mom squeezed her hand across the table. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that."

  "Mom?" Cee questioned. "Is everything okay?"

  "Oh, yeah. Just with Sedona moving out, I'm feeling like my kids really aren't kids anymore. Now I'm just stuck in the house with your father," Laurie laughed.

  "Your kids will always be your kids, Mom," Cee shot her mom a look across the table. "Especially Sedona, that girl is never going to grow up."

  "You got that right," they shared a laugh as the waiter came to take their order; two cups of French onion soup and two house salads.

  "So what's new with you? Work's still good?" Laurie squeezed her lemon slice and dropped it into her water glass.

  "Yup, still loving it. I'm finally feeling like I have a handle on the new writers and I think the section is looking really good. Stan seems happy so something is going right," Cee took a sip of her own water.

  "That's great. And the new apartment is all right? You're not feeling too lonely? I worry about you being there all by yourself."

  "There are hundreds of other residents in the building, Mom. I'm hardly all by myself. And I really am loving living alone. I just feel free for right now and, if I'm feeling lonely I just have people over or stop by you guys and I'm all good."

  "If you're sure. You know there's always a room for you at home if you ever feel like spending the night."

  "I know, Mom. Maybe I'll come by next weekend and we can watch a movie?"

  Her mother's eyes lit up at that and she launched into a list of the new movies that were on demand that she'd been wanting to see. Right then, Cecelia promised herself to spend more time with her mom, rather than just shooting a text or making a quick call when she had a second. Adult she may be, but she still had a mother who loved to see her.

  Cecelia was lowering the heat on a pot of sauce later that night when she heard her phone begin to buzz on the countertop beside her. She'd gotten sick of takeout a few weeks back, after her initial period of independence had worn off. She found herself getting really into cooking her own meals and was even giving her mom's gravy recipe a try tonight.

  Lou's name flashed across the screen and Cee inwardly groaned. Louisiana had officially begun wedding planning and, though she hadn't made anything official, it seemed that the maid of honor duties were falling squarely on Cee's shoulders. She'd already dealt with three meltdowns this week and she was praying that this wasn't another one. There was only so much she could say when it came to venue prices and dress shops that weren't open when it was convenient for her friend.

  Cee wiped her hands on a towel and swiped across her phone, watching as the call connected, before putting Lou on speakerphone. She began chopping up some lettuce for a small salad as she spoke.

  "Hey, Lou. What's up?" she kept her voice bright in the hopes that Lou would think before jumping into a rant.

  "Not much, what are you up to?" she sounded fine, thank goodness.

  "Just cooking dinner. Everything all right?" Cee threw her freshly chopped lettuce into a colander and gave it a good rinse.

  "Oh yeah, everything's good. Everything good with you?"

  "Lou, you're being weird. What's going on?" Cee grabbed the phone and took it off of speaker mode. "Did something happen?"

  "No, no! Everything's good. I just wanted to invite you to come get drinks on Thursday night," From the tone of Lou's voice, it sounded more like she was inviting Cee to a funeral.

  "Ok, yeah sure. Drinks for anything specific?" She was trying to tip toe around, as Lou had been doing, but she was already getting nervous.

  "Well, Joe and I are trying to get everyone together for a little engagement celebration and you're obviously my maid of honor so I want to make sure you're free. We want to call tonight and reserve the back bar at Bourbon Street."

  "Yup, I'm free! Of course I'll be there. This is exciting," Cee knew where this was going and she wanted to make sure Lou couldn't tell that she was spooked.

  "Great! We want everyone that's going to be in the bridal party to be there. We're going to give out little gifts just asking officially, even though I'm pretty sure everyone already knows."

  "Sounds good. Do you know how you're going to ask?" Maybe if she just kept the conversation going in another direction Lou would back out and she could get to sleep tonight without knowing what was to come.

  "I've been looking for something cute and simple on Pinterest, it's kind of last minute so I don't have a lot of time to make everything," Lou took a deep breath. "The invite wasn't the only reason I called, Cee."

  "I know, Lou," Cee's voice was quiet, a bit of resignation that she couldn't fight creeping its way in.

  "I'm sorry, Cee," she could tell that this conversation was hard for Lou and she felt for her friend. She'd seen the worst of it. Cee was sure she didn't want to be the person to bring Max back into Cecelia's life.

  "It's okay. I knew it was going to happen eventually and it's going to be totally fine," Cee did her best to sound sure.

  "It's just that Joe and him are really close now, like college close, and I couldn't ask him not to include him. It wouldn't be fair," Cee was sorry that Lou had even felt the need to do so.

  "Lou, it's going to be fine. Even better than fine, we're going to have a great night and then I'll know who's helping me plan the best bachelorette party to ever
exist."

  "Thank you, Cee. I know this might suck, but it means the world to me that you're going to be there."

  "Louisiana, I wouldn't miss it for anything."

  And she wouldn't have. She spent the week bouncing between nervous excitement and full on dread, but she knew that this was something she had to do. Her best friend was marrying Max's best friend, they would have to see one another again eventually. At least she had time to mentally prepare for it.

  As was expected, Max consumed her thoughts in the days leading to Thursday night. When she remembered him she could still see that handsome boy crossing the quad, eyes tired, asking her to lunch. And that was something to see. She closed her eyes again, that was really something to see. It's such a mistake to think that you can close a chapter and never return to it.

  Her walk had come to a close and she was grateful for it. As she stared at the front door of the restaurant, she took just a moment to breathe in and out. She'd made it here and it had taken her longer than it should have, but she was ready now. He was on the other side of that door and she was about to walk right through it. And, no matter what happened next, it would affect her, it may even change her.

  As she gripped the door handle and pulled it open, she thought about the years that she'd spent wondering when she would see him again and praying that it wasn't by chance or in a moment when she just plain wasn't ready. But she was prepared now and there he was standing not five feet away, laughing with a bottle of beer in his hand. And he turned towards Cecelia as the door swung shut behind her and the laughter died on his lips. And, just like that, Max Maylor was the lightning that struck her twice.

  Cecelia found herself glued to the spot, her aching feet unable to take another step forward. Her bag felt heavy on her shoulder and her jacket was suddenly uncomfortably tight. Her eyes were locked on his, even as one of the guy's in his group slapped him on the shoulder, Max's gaze didn't waver.

  Before she could move, Lou was grabbing Cee's arm and dragging her towards the bar, away from the spot where Max still stood.

  "You're here! I was getting scared that you weren't going to make it," Lou quickly procured a vodka cranberry and shoved it into Cee's hand, eyeing her until she took a healthy sip.

  "Lou I told you I wasn't going to miss it!" Cee helped herself to another sip of her drink, feeling the tremble in her hand as the adrenaline left her body. He was here, just over her shoulder.

  If she moved three steps to the right she’d be in his line of vision. She hated her awareness of his proximity, which fled back to her once she entered the room. It had nowhere near its old strength, but it was hanging in there. She wondered if she took those three steps, could she still feel his eyes on her the way she used to.

  Cecelia shook her head. She needed to focus.

  "How's it going? Is everyone that you wanted to ask here?" Lou shot her an incredulous look.

  "Cecelia? You're just going to ignore the fact that Max freaking Maylor is standing in this room right now? He looks like someone just dumped cold water on his head, you should see his face," Lou was taking quick glances over Cee's shoulder, assessing the situation.

  "What do you want me to do, Lou? I knew he was going to be here, but this isn't about us. Is everyone here?" Cee drained her drink and quickly ordered another one.

  "Downing those vodka crans a little quick for someone who has no stake in this night," Lou was smirking now. "And don't think I didn't notice how quickly that 'us' found it's way back into your vocabulary. You can pretend all you want, but I'm not leaving your side. Part of this night is about you, Cee, and I've got your back."

  Cecelia could've cried from the relief she felt in that moment.

  "Please don't, I don't know what I'll say if he comes over here," Cee grabbed Lou's hand. "You're the best friend in the world."

  "Yes, I know," Lou gave Cee's hand a quick squeeze. "Just remember that when the wedding planning Google docs start rolling in. You look absolutely gorgeous by the way, like I didn't even recognize you for a second."

  Cecelia let out her first laugh of the night.

  "I really tried, Lou. And I'm completely and totally at your service, send those Google docs in bulk," she swore, and she meant it.

  With that, Lou called over her two high school friends who'd be joining the wedding party and introduced Cecelia to them as her Maid of Honor, with a wink. Cecelia knew that Louisiana had been waiting for her to arrive before she officially began asking her friends if they'd do she and Joe the honor of being in their wedding party. Cecelia could just make out a box on a back table, filled with Pinterest-worthy gifts she was sure.

  She was aware of Max and, thankfully, he seemed pinned to his spot so there wasn't any movement to account for. She wasn't sure how this was supposed to go. Should she suck it up and say hi to him? Did he even plan on approaching her? She knew she needed to break the ice at some point. As she'd said to Lou, this was just the beginning of what would likely be a year's worth of run-ins.

  She decided not to think any further about it until she'd at least finished her second drink. She needed to chill out and slow down with the vodka or it would hit her all at once. So she traded her gulps for sips and mingled with the soon-to-be bridal party.

  As was expected, the group of seven girls that Lou had assembled was filled with good people. Cee didn't foresee any cattiness arising, a fact that boded well for the bachelorette party planning and the wedding day as a whole.

  It wasn’t long before Louisiana and Joe found a spot in the center of the room, drawing the attention of the party with a spoon against Lou's champagne glass and quick shout from Joe.

  "Hey, everyone," Lou's raised voice quieted the few murmurs that remained. "We just want to thank you all for being here tonight. It means the world to us to have you all here as we start planning one of the biggest days of our lives."

  Everyone let out an excited word in Lou's direction confirming that they were just as happy to be here as she was to have them.

  "So, without further ado, Joe and I would like to formally ask you all to be a part of our wedding day and stand beside us as we take this next step."

  Lou reached for the box of gifts and walked towards her girls and Joe grabbed a single shopping bag from the box. Cee could make out the personalized cigar boxes as Joe began shaking hands with his crew, laughing at whatever it is that men say when they're trying to be appropriate and supportive.

  Lou had put together small gift baskets with champagne glasses, mini bottles of Dom Pérignon, and beautiful white gold bracelets. It was simple and sweet and Cee could see the excited tears in Lou's eyes as everyone hugged her tight. As reluctant as she'd been to walk through that door, being here for her friend tonight was one thousand percent worth the effort.

  It was in this moment that she turned her head to the right, hoping to catch Joe in a similar state of happiness, that she noticed Max walking slowly towards her. She caught his eye and gave a small nod, as if to confirm that, yes, now was as good a time as any. He smiled tentatively at her as he came to stand beside her.

  She hadn't gotten a good look at him before, but she took a second to take him in now. How she'd forgotten how good the boy looked in dress pants, but remembered almost everything else, was beyond her. They were navy and tailored perfectly and he'd paired them with a light blue button down, sleeves rolled and cognac dress shoes.

  His hair was shorter now, but not by much, and he looked so full and healthy. She could see it in his cheeks and shoulders and in the way that the buttons on his dress shirt sat firmly against his chest, rather than hanging off just that little bit.

  "Hi Cecelia," he looked like he might laugh at the ridiculous tension sitting between them. She wished he would, just to have something to cut through it.

  "Hey, Max," Cecelia turned to face him fully, really meeting those eyes again for the first time. "Fancy meeting you here."

  "Less fancy for me, I've been warned within an inch of my life to leave you
alone," Cecelia noticed Joe watching them carefully, probably annoyed that Max had waited for the one moment that he would be distracted to approach Cecelia.

  "Have you," Cee questioned quietly. "That seems a bit severe."

  "It just felt ridiculous, to see you here and act like we'd never met," he looked quickly at the ground before meeting her eyes again. "If I'm bothering you, Cee, please just tell me and I'll walk away. I just figured we can't avoid one another forever, not with the wedding and everything."

  "No, you're right," Cee agreed. "It would be weird to just ignore one another. And totally unnecessary. I'm glad to see you, Max. You look so well."

  She didn't mean to so obviously bring up the past within seconds of speaking to him, but she had to say it. This was the man she'd been hoping to meet one day, the healthy man she thought might only be a dream. She wanted to acknowledge his progress, his victory in a hard-fought battle.

  "Thanks, Cee," Max looked serious for a moment. "I'm doing well. I'm feeling really good these days, so thank you."

  He was acknowledging something of his own with that.

  "And you look great, too. You changed your hair," he was smiling again. "It looks nice like that. Very sophisticated."

  "Thanks, I just cut it last weekend. It was kind of on a whim, but I'm really liking it," Cee ran a hand through the aforementioned locks. It was a nervous gesture and she hoped he hadn't caught it.

  "And everything else is good?" Max took a sip of his beer. "You're still working over at Grantham?"

  "Yup, I'm still there. I ended up getting that column I was up for and it went well, so I haven't had a reason to look elsewhere," she felt awkward listing her successes when she had no idea if he was even working.

  "That's great, Cee. I knew you'd get it. They would've been crazy not to pick you," there was something close to pride in his eyes and the familiarity of it twisted a knot in the center of her stomach.

  "You're being nice, but I'm really happy with it. It was definitely a change, but I think I needed it. It's been good for me," Cecelia found herself looking anywhere but Max's eyes.