One Time, Badly Page 12

  Chapter 13

  2015

  May

  Cecelia walked to her desk on Monday morning with a smile, fresh iced coffee in hand. She waved to coworkers she'd seen just last week as if she hadn't seem them in years, the gratitude she felt at finally being out of her cramped apartment rushing through her. The sadness and anxiety of the past few days had taken flight for the moment, leaving her room to breathe, free from checking pulses and listening at doors.

  Max had gone back to his parents' house, telling them great tales of the awful flu that had taken both he and Cee down, she was sure. She wasn't foolish enough to think they were completely out of the woods yet, she felt confident that the hardest part of this whole process was behind them. At least for her. It was up to Max now to keep his demons at bay. Cecelia shook that thought from her mind. That was a worry for later, right now she was a normal girl, opening emails and sipping on a coffee, passing the hours until she could clock out for the day.

  Lou had called and asked her to grab a drink after work and she'd happily agreed. She'd never needed her friend more and even if she couldn't tell her about the week she'd just had, being near Lou was sure to make her feel the same comfort that she always felt just from catching up and having a laugh.

  It's so difficult to put into words all of the ways that your friends end up saving you. How their successes have spurred your successes, how their positivity has helped you to maintain your own, how they're kindness has made you kinder. It's such a potent admiration, and one Cecelia wholeheartedly hoped was returned.

  Since it was a nice night, they'd opted for a drink on the pier in Hoboken. It was a quick drive from Cee's apartment, though they'd decided to Uber after taking the PATH in from the city, and they'd both agreed that they'd rather get out of the city after work rather than combat the happy hour crowd in midtown.

  As they carried their bucket of sangria over to two open beach chairs, Cee couldn't help but notice that Lou seemed extra excited about something. Luckily for Cecelia, Lou was as excited to get to the point as Cee was curious to hear it.

  "So, I have something fun to tell you," Lou lead in.

  "I can see that. Spill!"

  "I hope you're ready for a new roommate because I just got promoted," and it was hands down the best thing Lou could've said that day.

  "YES!" Cecelia jumped out of her chair, nearly spilling her cup of sangria, and gave Lou a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so happy for you! Six months and you're already killing it! This is so awesome!"

  "I know, right? I was so surprised, but I really have been working my ass off. It just feels nice that someone noticed," Lou was beaming.

  "You have no idea, Lou. This is the best news I've heard in a long time," Cee grabbed her wallet out of her person and stood. "You stay here and bask in your successful day, I'm getting another pitcher. This night just turned into a celebration."

  And with that, they split not two, but three bottle of sangria and talked all about the adorable decorations they'd get for the apartment and the healthy meals they'd cook and the gym classes they'd attend and, to Cecelia, this step forward felt like a piece of her past come back to her and she couldn't be more grateful for it. Lou was moving in and Max was getting better and things might actually be okay.

  Cee called Max as soon as she got home and told him all about her wonderful news and he congratulated her in the sweet way that he sometimes spoke when he was feeling extra proud to be with her. And she knew his happiness wasn't just for her, it was for himself too. Because she'd stuck by him and he still had her and even the absolute ugliest part of him was still worth it to her.

  Chapter 14

  2015

  May – June

  Cecelia called her landlord the very next day and he agreed to let her move from her one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom on the floor above. Louisiana moved in at the start of September and it was so nostalgic to see her parents carrying boxes into the apartment and so exciting to start this new chapter of adulthood, which she knew would be one of the last before she took the leap with Max and they found their own place together. It was a nostalgic step forward for Cee.

  Timing really was everything, she thought to herself as she propped herself up on Lou's newly assembled bed and gave her a 'yes' or 'no' as she unpacked the bins that had carried her clothes from her parents home to this one. Lou was trying to eliminate anything too "college-y" from her wardrobe, a mission which left many a spandex skirt and sequin top in the donation pile.

  Had Lou gotten this promotion a month earlier, Cecelia wouldn't have been able to do what she had for Max. There was no hiding what was going on, and, even if she could get away with calling it the flu, Cecelia was a terrible liar. She'd never be able to keep something like that from Lou, not if she had to explain it to her face to face.

  It felt like pieces falling into place, like an instant reward for taking on Max's burden as her own and putting her own life aside to help him battle through. That, and the fact that Max had very slowly started talking about using his degree.

  He couldn't do much at the moment with a solo Psychology degree, but putting in a few more years of schooling would change that. Cecelia had been pushing for a law degree, even taking it upon herself to research some schools that were within commuting distance.

  He'd ended up with a Psychology degree when the Business major he'd been pursuing didn’t pan out. He couldn't keep up with the classes, and he realized junior year that, with the gen eds and electives he'd already taken, he could still graduate on time if he switched to the Psych program.

  He'd fallen into the major and never took it the step further that he needed to.

  It took her a few weeks, but Cecelia eventually convinced him to just take the LSAT and see how it went. He would need to take the test now if he wanted to get any applications in for the following fall semester, and there was no harm in trying. Max agreed, as he tended to do these days, and they'd studied. She helped him pick out the books he would need and she quizzed him and watched as his confidence grew.

  There was a renewed purpose to him now, a goal to work toward. When the time for the test finally came, Max seemed almost excited to take it. As if he knew he would pass and couldn't wait to finally celebrate something, to earn back the respect that those closest to him had inevitably lost over the past few months.

  His score wasn't perfect, but it was more than enough to qualify him for many of the schools they'd been eyeing. The smile that he'd worn after that was like nothing Cecelia had seen out of him. And she couldn't tell if it was because his cheeks had finally started to fill back out or because his eyes had finally lost the dull glaze that she'd grown accustomed to, but Max was more handsome then she ever remembered.

  "Wow, I can't believe it. You're actually going to be a lawyer. My boyfriend, a tall, handsome lawyer. How did I ever get so lucky?" Cecelia was snuggled into Max's side in bed, laughing into his chest at her own comments.

  "Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, Cee," Max was propped up against her headboard, reading through his results again. "I have to get accepted into a school first."

  "You will, though. Your scores are good, Max. It's all going to work out."

  "We'll see. I don't even know where I want to apply yet," she knew he must have every word in this document memorized by now, but he was still reviewing it as if he was missing the joke somewhere.

  "Well, I have a few ideas if you want to hear them," she smiled at the amused sigh he let out. She couldn't just enjoy this success for one night; she was already a million miles ahead of him.

  "Shoot."

  "Ok, so I know I already mentioned Seton Hall and I definitely think that should stay on the list. It's a great school and it's so convenient to get to. But," she lifted herself on to her elbow and met his eyes excitedly, "What about Rutgers?"

  "Back to the old stomping grounds?" Max seemed to brighten up at the thought of heading back to the campus where they'd met.

  "Not exa
ctly. The law school is on the Newark campus, which is so, so close and I could even take the train and meet you after work. We could get dinner in the Ironbound or see shows at Prudential. It would be so much fun."

  "A Rutgers man through and through?" Max questioned her.

  "Exactly."

  "Kind of like a Harvard man, but not quite?"

  "Hey, you're from New Jersey. A Rutgers man is our Harvard man."

  "Alright, you've got yourself a deal. I'll apply, but we have about a year to kill before I start anywhere so maybe we should focus this brainstorm session on the nearer future."

  "I actually have an idea about that too."

  "You're an insane person."

  "Shush, Max. I'm just excited for you. So excited, that I had Lou talk to her Aunt Layla. She runs her own law firm in Montclair and she offered to take you on as an assistant around the office. That way you can get some firsthand experience."

  "Seriously?"

  "Seriously. I'm not sure what the pay will be, but you can still keep your weekend shifts at Central if need be. It's just for the next few months until you get accepted somewhere."

  "Cee, I don't deserve you. You know that right?"

  "Stop that. I just want us to both be happy and I think having this will do that for you. You deserve that, don't you think?"

  "I think I'm very lucky," he leaned down and planted a kiss on her head. "Get your shoes on, I'm taking you out for dinner tonight to celebrate. Wherever you want."

  As Cecelia pulled on her boots, she glanced over at Max. She'd always loved him and been proud of him, but this just took the cake. There was just something so sexy about this decision, about Max in this serious light. She could feel the excitement in her stomach already at what the night held and, even more so, at what the life ahead of them held.

  Looking back, Max probably spent about as much time responding to her sexts as he did researching all of the many notes that Layla would give him throughout the day. It felt like roleplay for a minute there, and she was fine with being the criminal or the judge or even the freaking stenographer as long as she found herself in the courtroom with him, watching him pretend to be this all-important, hard ass lawyer, charming the pants off the jury and his girlfriend all at the same time.

  And it became nearly impossible to connect this man, this thriving version of him, to the way he'd been just a few months earlier. She just couldn't believe that he was the same person. And she couldn't deny the pride she'd felt in the fact that she'd helped him get here. Because maybe his parents or his friends would've caught on and stepped in, or maybe they wouldn't have and he would be skin and bones again, or, even worse, maybe just bones.

  Chapter 15

  2015

  July – August

  It wasn't long before Max was finally filling out applications and readying himself for interviews, should the offers come. Cecelia spent Max's application hours filling out a few of her own. She wasn't sure how long it would take her to find a new position and she wanted to give herself a head start. She knew that she'd told Lou she was planning on waiting a year, but she couldn't fathom spending a second longer than that in pharmaceutical writing.

  In July she finally got an offer, just as Max accepted a spot in the program at Rutgers to start in the fall. She'd be a content writer at an up and coming website and, though she didn't love the fluffy, filler pieces that she'd be working on, she was so pumped to put this on her resume and see where it could take her after she paid her dues.

  Max took her out to celebrate on her first day and they walked along the water and made love back at her place and it was all so good. But, there was always a chance that the other shoe could drop. She knew this. She would watch him sometimes, with wary eyes, as he lost sleep over an exam or got into a mood about a bad grade. She was looking for the signs she'd missed before, because she thought, if anything drags him back, it will be this.

  She could see him feeling inadequate and frustrated and in need of something to make him feel better. And she tried to be that thing, but she had her own life, too. She was trying to impress her new boss and juggle a new schedule and she couldn't spend all day worried about if Max was going to fall back into old habits.

  It was also really difficult to get mad or spit out accusations, when all you felt was gratitude. When faced with the loss of someone, it becomes second nature to cherish that person that much more. So if Max snapped at her, or canceled plans, or forgot to ask her about her day, she found herself more forgiving than she maybe should have been. The scales had been tipped and she found herself off balance. Why be mad when she could stay thankful? Why cause a problem when she still had Max in front of her?

  So she observed him, she Googled signs and symptoms, she watched and she waited. Because, she hadn't realized it until just then, but she really didn't have any trust in him when it came to this. She thought he'd proven himself, but all he did was go through withdrawals and who knew what happened after that? He could've gone right back and just hidden it better. He could've switched drugs and she wouldn't even know what to look for.

  And it was a scorching hot August day when she found him, back turned, swallowing a pill in her apartment kitchen. He'd run across the street to grab a pack of Gatorade from the convenience store, walked right into the kitchen, tilted his head back in that oh so familiar way and fucked up the whole trajectory of their lives.

  "Max?" her voice was weak, she could barely get his name off her lips.

  "Yeah, babe?" he turned to look at her then and his face fell. She'd seen him. "Cecelia, it's not what it looks like."

  "Shut the fuck up, Max," she was rushing into her bedroom then, grabbing for her purse, her wallet, her jacket. Check, check, check.

  "Cee, please just wait. I'm sorry, okay. I'm really sorry. I promise this isn't an issue. I just fucked up, it's not like it was before," and his eyes were pleading with her to just listen, to just believe him. But she couldn't. Not after the hell she'd been through last time.

  "Get out of my way. Right now," she couldn't handle this. They were supposed to be meeting her parents for lunch in 15 minutes. She was going to tell them about a story she'd written that week. It had been the highest viewed piece her site had put out that week and her supervisor told her no one had ever claimed that spot in the few weeks that it took her to do so.

  "Cee, come on. Let's just go meet your parents. We can talk about this later," He was trying to reason with her, but he was patronizing and it was just so fucking stupid at this point.

  "I'm going to meet my parents. Looks like you came down with the flu again, Max. Pity, I'm sure my mom would've loved to have seen you," and with that Cecelia stormed out of the apartment with angry tears streaming down her face.

  Her parents were worried when she'd shown up alone and so upset, so she dropped the flu story and just told them that she and Max had gotten into a huge fight. The kind of fight that might just end the whole damn thing.

  "I'm sure it isn't that bad, honey. You'll talk it out when you get back, but for now it's probably good for both of you to cool off," her mom's voice was soothing to her in any tone, but this one was especially calming.

  She could already feel her shoulders relaxing. This had happened so many times in her life when things were going badly for her. It was as if just spending time with her mom and dad brought her back to the basics, reminded her of what she had no matter what else was blowing up around her. Her family would be here and, if Max wasn't, then that would be enough.

  "Thanks, mom. You're probably right. I don't even want to talk about it and risk it ruining our afternoon. Is Sedona going to meet us later?"

  "I think she might. She was at Lauren's house swimming, but she said that she'd walk over after if we get dessert."

  "Seriously? I haven't seen her in weeks and all she cares about is dessert?"

  "You know her, she's all caught up in her friends. This is the last month they have before people start leaving for college."


  "Yeah, wouldn't want to force family time when they've got comforters and dorm posters to choose," her dad added with a smirk. He always had this glint in his eye when he talked about his daughters, as if everything they did was the most amusing thing in the whole world.

  If he'd have preferred sons to the two girls he got, you'd never know. Of course, he was probably a bit more excited for the soccer games he'd attended over the years than the dance recitals, but he was front and center for each and every event regardless.

  There hadn't been a single time that Cecelia looked for him over the years that he wasn't standing there, arms crossed, silently supporting her and she owed him for that. And, sitting there, she realized he'd probably murder someone if he knew the heaviness that Max was bringing to her world.

  The three of them ordered pizza and a round of beers, because why not, and they caught up on everything. Her mom told her about a party that her aunt was throwing for Labor Day and her dad asked her about work, which reminded her of the forgotten story and the new career milestone she'd just hit. And the smile that they shared, that "look what we did" show of pride, was enough to totally erase Max from her mind for the rest of the afternoon. She would be fine.

  Max was sitting at the desk in her bedroom when she got back to the apartment. He seemed to be working on something, maybe one of the assignments of Layla's the he hadn't gotten to that week, but she could tell by the slump in his shoulders that he was probably just staring at the paper in front of him. At least he was upset about what happened. She'd have killed him if she came back and he was watching the game or playing on his phone.

  "Hey," she said it quietly as she shrugged off her jacket and hung it on the hook near the door.